Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Bisexuality, Pansexuality, and Gender Identity

This blog is entirely based on questions I've received about the LGBT community:


Help! I don't know which label to identify with. 

You don't need a label unless you really want one. 

You are a person, a human being, not a label. 

Pick the label that seems best for you. 
But there is no obligation. Choosing a label isn't something you should feel forced to do. 

Personally, I chose "bisexual" because I found out I was bi almost fifteen years ago, 
and back then, that was the term people used for people like me. 

I don't mind if people call me pansexual, though. 
But I would ask people not to erase me or deny my identity. 
It's fine to call me pan, but it's never okay to force a label on me against my will.

What is the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality?

To be honest, I do not know. 

There is a wide misconception about bisexual people and how they supposedly only see two genders and only feel attraction for two genders. 
That's incorrect.

I cannot speak for all bisexuals, but those I know (and that's about half the people in my life) 
believe in more than two genders. 

I know bisexual people who are cisgender, transgender, bigender, or nonbinary. 
Most of them call themselves bisexual because that's the word they learned when they were trying to understand who they were. 

The pain I went through to accept myself as bisexual.

Personally, it was a painful process for me to accept myself as queer. 
It was painful to accept the label bisexual. 
And I know, from talking to many bisexuals, that it was painful for many of us.

But the most painful part for me was to see my own community reject me 
and use my label as a weapon against me.
It didn't happen often, but it did happen.
It didn't happen in person, but it is a bit of a recurrence online where cowards feel protected by their anonymous screens. 
Actually, it happened only just last week when someone attacked me on Twitter, 
falsely assuming I only believe in two genders. 
A random person from my own community. 
Someone who doesn't know anything about me (not even my gender, actually). 
Someone who targetted me because it says "bi" on my profile.

The attacks from our LGBT community against bisexual people really, truly hurt us. 

And I know that within the community, there are not just attacks against bisexuals.
Many transgender people also often undergo attacks from our own community. 
Those attacks hurt us. 
Those attacks break us apart. 
Those attacks weaken our community. 
But worst of all and most importantly,
those attacks can kill us!

Next time you attack someone from your own LGBT community, please, please, remember that many of us are suffering, many of us are in pain, many of us are merely surviving. 
Your words could be the last straw pushing someone to complete despair and suicide. 
Please be gentle within your own community. 
This is ALL we have. 
Each other is all we have.

No acceptance from my family.

In my case, being vilified by LGBT people hurts me because I already know my blood family will not accept me for who I am. And sadly, that is the case for many of us.
I live my life hiding who I truly am from those supposed to love me unconditionally. 
That hurts. A lot. 
But at least I have my LGBT family. 

So to me, the LGBT family is my new family. 
And when some people within that family attack me, 
they take away the one safe place I have in this world. 

If I choose to call myself bisexual, 
it isn't to hurt other people. 
It is because it hurt me so much and it was so excruciating to accept that label, to begin with, 
that I am not mentally ready to part with it. 

The truth is bisexuals will love people for who they are. 
And based on my understanding, so will pansexuals. 
I don't think there is much of a difference between the two.
And I definitely know there is no difference between the hearts beating in our chests and the blood running through our veins.
We are all humans. 
To our LGBT community, please remain united, please help one another, please do not reject those in need and despair. 
Because for many of us, this is the only family we have.

Thank you so much for reading!

Thursday, October 11, 2018

National Coming Out Day!

Today is National Coming Out Day!

Many people have asked me if and how they should come out.

First, I would like to say that I am not fully out in real life. 
I am only out to certain people. 
I could be out to more people, but a part of me is still scared to change the way people view me. I want them to see me as me and not as my orientation.

In the case of my family, I don't think coming out is even a possibility at all. I prefer to be happy and myself in private than have to face certain words and situations that are sure to hurt me, put me down, and make me regret that I was ever born.

I am just saying things as they are because that's where many LGBT people still are today: in a place where other people's words are still hurting us to the point where we are still losing many of our brothers and sisters to suicide, in a place where coming out can still mean life or death based on where we live and whom we come out to.

If someone comes out to you, please know that it is a gift of trust. Them coming out to you means that they trust you enough to believe you will not hurt them and that you will accept them and love them no matter what.

As for those who are fully out, you have my profound respect. I am in awe of you for doing what I did not.
If you are still in the closet, though, there is nothing wrong with that.
Remember that your safety always comes first. 

I need to repeat this:

Your. Safety. Comes. First!

There is no shame to be felt in being in the closet. You cannot be blamed for being forced into hiding. 

And remember:

You are NOT alone. 

Come out if and when you are comfortable, to the people of your own choosing. You do not owe it to anyone to be out.


There is NOTHING wrong with you.

You are beautiful.

You are strong.

You matter.

Whether you are in or out of the rainbow closet.