Saturday, November 23, 2019

The truth about so-called allies

I had some really dark thoughts last night again. That hadn’t happened in over two years. They've been resurfacing these past couple of months, and it's been scaring the hell out of me. Yes, when I say dark thoughts, I mean urges to hurt myself—irrevocably.

I can’t tell if it’s my postpartum hormones messing with my head or all the fucking gaslighting and hatred I have been receiving as a bisexual since REWIND came out. Probably both, honestly. 

I have been struggling as a queer person for years, for about fifteen years actually, ever since I realized I wasn’t straight.

First, I struggled because I couldn’t tell if I really wasn’t straight. I didn't understand why I felt the way I did for only a few women (very few, actually) and not all of them. Because bi people are supposed to want to fuck everything that moves, right? After all, isn't that how other communities constantly represent us? Isn't that the distorted reflection every bisexual is supposed to see in the mirror built by our society? So if I didn’t want to fuck all that moved, I couldn’t truly be bi, right?

I come from a place where bisexual people are basically unicorns. We don't exist...or we're not allowed to exist, only be erased over and over again. 

Eventually, I was forced to accept that I wasn’t straight. I had to work on my internalized homophobia, on healing from the constant disgust my family shows toward LGBT people (and especially toward lesbians and queer women).

And now, I have to live with the fact that having a child means I will have to fully come out someday because I can’t raise my child to respect me as a queer if my child doesn’t know who I am. And the thought of being out has been terrifying me.

I have been struggling because of all that but also because of the blatant hatred and gaslighting thrown at me as a queer, especially as a bisexual. 


I’ll just say what many queers are unwilling to tell you: your subconscious hatred of some LGBT people, your constant gaslighting, your rude denial of our experiences, every time you tell us that things can’t be “that bad” for queers, all that is killing us. Slowly but surely. Yes, I'm talking to you, so-called “allies." Yes, you are killing us the same way bigots are. 

Every time I read about a bisexual kid who committed suicide because of biphobia, I think of you. Every time I think about the lights in my life that were extinguished because hateful bigots put them out while the rest of you said nothing, while the rest of you gaslighted us and told us "it can't possibly be that bad," every time, I think of you and how you are killing us too. 

When you gaslight us, you become part of a system that oppresses us. When you choose to remain silent or you ask us to shut the fuck up when faced with the truth of our experiences, you become part of the problem. So we end up with no voice out there, no one who will listen, no one who will fight for us but us.


Worse, you think as an ally you get to choose whom to support? You’ll support gay men, but you'll show disgust toward other queers. You'll support cis queers but deny the existence or pain of anyone who isn't cis. 
Well, I hate to break it to you, but none of that makes you an ally. It makes you a hypocrite. No better than a bigot slowly killing us. And no, the fact that some queers behave that way doesn't mean you should do it too.

And when you don’t hate on us or gaslight us, you fetishize us, you want to watch us fuck, or you want to fuck us.
But never for the right reasons either.
You want to use our sexuality for your own entertainment and pleasure, but you don’t actually give a damn about our trials and pain.
I would know. As a bisexual, I know that all too well. Many people either want to fuck us, watch us fuck, or watch us die. And no, this is not an overstatement.

The truth about our lives bothers you because it disrupts your privileged existence. 
Unless you have abusive parents, you will never know what it’s like to have your family show disgust for everything that you are over something you cannot control. You won’t know what it’s like to wake up every morning knowing your family hates you though they don't even know they do. And you won’t know what it’s like to live in the constant fear of your family and everyone around you finding out what you are. To fear for your job, your reputation, your very life because you were not born straight. 

You prefer to remain ignorant and not find out what it truly means to be queer because you don’t have to care. You can just pretend you do and go to bed patting yourself on the back for being such a wonderful “ally.”

But when so-called allies use us for sex, gaslight us, deny our pain and experiences, or subtly insult us, calling us idiots and morons, it hurts more than when bigots use anti-queer slurs because those same people who pretend to be allies take away all the protection and faith we thought we had among and in cishet people.
We end up no longer trusting you.


All the blatant hatred I have received as a queer from so-called allies in this damn book industry has been slowly killing me. 
Never did I think I would receive such hatred from so-called allies, people who like to pretend they care about LGBT people. But it’s been there from the very start. I am not sure if it breaks my heart or if it disgusts me more or both. 

I have seen cishet authors send their readers after queer authors because, for some reason, they think queer authors shouldn't get a shot at writing for and about their own damn community.  Because they think only they should get to represent queers or to decide how queers should be represented. 
Because for centuries now, cishet people have been telling queers how they should behave if they are to be accepted. They've been deciding how queers should be viewed or what they think life as a queer truly is like. 
This oppression of queer people by cishets hasn't stopped, and it's not about to stop anytime soon.

I haven't been feeling well—at all. And I have to take a step back from writing, but it doesn't mean I'll shut up about what bisexuals go through every fucking day because of some cishet people out there and sometimes because of other queers too. And I don't give a shit if you don't like it. 

However, I would like again to thank my readers (queers as well as cis, straight readers) and everyone who has been there for me. I am sorry I have to take a break, but the choice right now is literally between keeping on writing and undergoing this constant hatred or stopping for a while and surviving. Thank you SO much for being here. Thank you SO much for reading my books. Thank you for reading this blog. Thank you for telling me my books made you feel good and seen and for telling me my books have helped you. You are the reason why I have been writing. And though I'm taking a break, you still matter so much to me.

I also wanted to thank our real allies out there, those who truly care what happens to us, those who listen, those who don't simply use us, talk over our voices, or fetishize us. Thank you! 

Rowan


Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Biphobia never ends...but you don't have to take it.

Since the biphobic posts keep popping up all over my Twitter, I had to make another post...just for the fun of it.

This post will be updated every time I receive a biphobic comment or see biphobic comments online.

Biphobes, you are welcome! 


But Rowan, why are you hiding the screen names? Well, I don't want to make those people popular or help their posts go viral. I prefer to call them out on their ignorance without giving them free publicity... Also, I don't believe in bullying, so this works better for me.

These first two tweets showed up in my feeds this week (this is only Tuesday...).


*sigh*
I'm not sure what's up with all those people who think bisexuals actually want to sleep with them. Please, get over yourself and give us some credit! 

I can assure you there isn't a bisexual who would want your nasty mouth and hissing tongue on them. Gross!

Also, we have taste, so stop flattering yourself.

And PLEASE, do yourself a favor and learn how to spell if you're going to hate. The end of your tweet makes no sense at all.

As Enzo would say:


Thank you!


Really?


Interesting because I’ve been with the same person for 15 years, and I never cheated. Also, he's the only person I’ve ever slept with in my life.
I guess I’m not bi enough, huh! Mmm...

Also, you people need to choose... I thought Miley was “too straight” to be queer. Now she’s “too bi” to be trusted.
Please choose your weapon of choice... Are we too straight or are we too bi? Can't be both, bud.

Besides, Miley is not bi, she’s pansexual. Please respect the label people give themselves. It’s not for you to choose what label people want to use. Thanks.

Biphobes and panphobes everywhere, “Miley Cyrus is just another straight woman pretending to be queer. She’s never even been with a woman. Bisexuality and pansexuality don’t exist.”
Same people a week later, “Miley Cyrus is proof enough that bisexuals and pansexuals are greedy sluts who can’t be trusted.”

Make up your mind, people.



(Oh yes, by the way, I'm self-promoting without shame on here because it's my blog... Please, keep the biphobia coming. I need material for my books.)

Biphobia never ends when you're bi, does it?

To my bisexual family, here are two songs for you:




If you see biphobia around, speak up! We don't have to take their ignorance without a word.

Love you bunches, my bi family.

Rowan

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Response to biphobic tweets

This has been quite a month for bisexuals. Phew.

I swear, it's as if the amount of biphobic tweets and comments coming up in my feeds is increasing by the day. 
One just needs to read any article about bisexuality to find them...coming from both straight people and queers. 

So here are samples of the biphobic comments I see in my feeds nearly every single day, followed by my response to them.
I was nice enough to keep the names out of the screenshots, which I didn't even have to do since these comments are public...

These two tweets came from someone who is part of the LGBTQ community... 

So let's make a few points clear:
1 - Bisexual women do not need to be more into women than other genders to prove they are queer. There is this thing called sexual fluidity, you may want to look it up. A woman can absolutely be more into men and still be bisexual. 
When queers say they were born that way, most queers take that for granted.
So why is it that a bisexual woman isn't allowed to be born with a stronger inclination toward men and still be queer? 

2 - I don't feel uncomfortable at Pride events. If anyone feels uncomfortable, it's you, apparently. 

3 - It's funny to hear you call bisexuals "biphobic" considering your tweets reek of biphobia... Please stop projecting your own issues on our community. Our plate is full already.

4 - Who are you to decide if a person is cis or straight? The couple could be two transgender people who happen to be bi. The couple could be two nonbinary people who happen to be pan. The couple could be straight allies coming to Pride to spend money on donations for our community. 
Do you prefer to reject cishet people and have them hate on us? Because that's what your tweet sounds like. 
Really, check your internalized hatred because it's really sad. 

When I asked this person if she was bisexual, she went on straight attacks calling me a "stupid fuck." 
Mmm, okay. Well, I may be a stupid fuck, but I think bisexual men deal with enough hatred as it is, and maybe queers should cut them some slack and leave them alone. There is absolutely nothing in the term "bisexual" that erases women. Your tweet though does erase nonbinary people...


Oh, the eternal "I have a friend who..."
So let me stop you right there. It doesn't matter if you have bisexual friends, that doesn't give you, a non-bisexual, the right to talk in their name. 

First tweet: 
1 - Yes, lady, many of us bisexuals have only ever dated people of one gender in our lives. The reason for that is the erasure we go through in society (read tweets below to see such erasure). Because of that erasure, many of us don't even understand our own feelings and attractions until we are already married or in a committed relationship. 
So should we just cheat on our partners to prove to bigots like you that we are, indeed, bisexual? 
Is that what you are suggesting? 

2 - No, bisexuals do not owe it to you to make a list of all their sexual partners to prove to you they are bisexual. It is none of your business whom they slept with. 
We don't ask straight people to give us a list of everyone they've ever slept with. 
Why are you asking that of us? It's inappropriate and gross, really. 

3 - "She's only 25." 
Lady, I found out I was bi at 22 because I come from a heteronormalized place where bisexuality doesn't even "exist." The erasure there is unbelievable. 
I got married at age 24. 
That doesn't make me any less bi. 
It means that, in spite of what some bigots like to say about us, bisexuals can be monogamous. Sorry if that disappoints you and interferes with your biased views on our community. 
We don't exist just to fit into your stereotypes and satisfy your twisted views.

If we sleep with people of different genders, we are greedy sluts who can't decide. If we sleep with just one gender, we are not queer.
We can never win.
How about you just leave us alone? Have you ever considered that an option?

Second tweet:
1 - Again, you don't get to speak for bisexuals just because you have "some friends who..." Especially if you're using said friends as a support for your own bigotry or to gaslight people and tell them their experiences are not real.

2 - Let's be clear, your friends were never bisexual. They were bicurious straights or gays. There is a huge difference... 
Also, many gay people think they are bi at first because our society is so heteronormalized, it's very difficult for them to come to terms with their sexuality. And that's perfectly fine. But it doesn't give them the right to erase bisexuals or hate on them later on. 
As for your straight friends who were just "exploring" and who are now erasing an entire community, that's even worse. It's worse because, as privileged people, they deem themselves the right to speak unfavorably for a marginalized community already stigmatized by the likes of you. 

3 - Maybe, just maybe, the bi men you know are calling themselves straight because of the hatred they had to deal with when they were actually out. It's not your place or anyone's place to judge why a queer needs to "pass" or "act straight" in order to survive. 

The fact that you used the words "lifestyle" and "choice" in just one sentence says it all... Your tweet is a perfect example of the gaslighting bisexuals go through every day. 

Biphobia doesn't exist? All the tweets above and below point to the contrary, buddy.

Also, we'll stop using labels when you stop calling yourself straight or heterosexual, and when you stop saying things like "no homo" or "that's so gay."
How about that? Does it sound fair enough? 

Sigh... If I got money every time I saw messages like this one... I'd be rolling in gold.

First of all, we are not talking about our sexual activities... That's what people like you read in the terms "queer," "gay," 'bi," and even in the term "transgender" which has nothing to do with sexuality.
When most people see straight couples kiss, it's tender love, but when it's gays doing it, it's sex... You think we don't know how people think and view us? That is part of the issue that is "totally lost on you."
Also, it is not a "preference." "Preference" implies we have a choice. Is it your "preference" to sleep with men? I don't think so. That's just how it is.

So why do queers feel the need to talk about their orientation?

1- Because it is our right to come out if and when and where and to whom we want.

2- Because being queer comes with a lot of loneliness and a need to know other people like us do exist. It's a basic human need for any human being to want to know they are normal and that there are other people who feel the way they do. Straight people don't need to come out because they are everywhere in the media. They know they exist. They are validated. Queers need to come out so they can see each other and know they are not alone. Again, it's a very basic human need.

3- Because when all queers are closeted, bigots think that gives them the right to oppress said queers. It makes bigots feel stronger to think the queer population is small. Because of that, queers have no choice but to come out and unite.

4- Queers do not owe it to you to remain closeted just because their orientation makes you uncomfortable.
5- In an ideal world, no one would ever need to come out, but since we live in a hateful world, that's how it rolls. Sorry to disappoint, not sorry.

What you like to call "constructive criticism" is actually nothing more than blatant bigotry. No, we do not owe it to you to accept your hatred without speaking up.
I am bi and yes, I am deeply aware that I am privileged to be married to a cis man.
I know how privileged I am.
Do you want to know how I know? Because I'm terrified of coming out, of the consequences on my life, my job, my relationship with my family...
So yes, I am aware that gay people don't have that luxury.
But me acknowledging that doesn't make someone like you any less of a bigot...


***

So, to all those out there who've been attacking bisexuals, telling us biphobia isn't real, that no one in the LGBTQ community hates us, and who've been gaslighting us...that was your proof that biphobia in its various forms is very real and that it comes from straights and queer people alike...

These are comments I collected over the past few weeks alone. Imagine how much of it would add up in a year, a decade... 

I would like to finish by saying that I have gone through my fair share of biphobia and gaslighting in my life, especially since my book came out. So far, none of the hateful direct messages I've received to attack me and my work came from bisexuals... Many of the messages started with "I am not bisexual, but..." However, those messages were sent to me to tell me that no one can be as biphobic as the characters in my book, that I am an idiot and an ignorant moron... Some people even called me biphobic because I dared create biphobic characters (some of whom are queers themselves). 

So above was your proof that biphobic people do exist. It is also proof that your erasure of bisexuality and bisexuals' suffering as a whole, as well as your gaslighting, hurt the bisexual community. 
Unless you are bisexual, you don't get to tell us when we should come out and to whom, you don't get to tell us our experiences are not real, or that our suffering is invalid. Actually, even bisexuals cannot tell other bisexuals that, because everyone is different and is allowed to live their life as they please. 

I am not an authority on bisexuality, bisexuals, or biphobia. I've always said I wasn't. But you don't know me. You don't know if I have lost bisexual friends to biphobia directed at them (for your information, I have...). You don't know what my life as a bisexual and a queer is like every single day. 

Everyone's experience is different, and I am happy and grateful for any queer who got to have an easy life. My life has been very easy compared to that of so many other queers—extremely easy. But that doesn't mean that their pain isn't real and isn't worthy of recognition. That would never give me or someone like me the right to gaslight them and tell them their experiences are not real and valid.    


Thank you for reading.


Thursday, June 27, 2019

Those details indicating that you're bi

Those details indicating that you're bi

A little while ago, a reader asked me to write a post about those little details that should have told me I was bi back when I thought those were things straight people thought and did.
Many bisexual people know their orientation early on, but many of us don't find out until much later. That was my case.


Like I've said many times before, I come from a region of France that is highly heteronormalized, where queers are ostracized, and where bisexuals simply do not exist. Again...yes, we do exist. What I mean is we are so erased that we might as well be ghosts. Without mentioning all the homophobic comments that push us to repress that queer side of ourselves and bury it very deeply.

There were a few things that should have told me I was queer, yes, but I thought that was how all straight people thought and felt. 


1 - My first bisexual friend:
The first time I ever met someone actually out as a bisexual in real life, I was sixteen years old. It may seem strange to some people who are used to being around queers, but I had to wait sixteen years to meet a bisexual. 
She was a friend of mine. 
Though I didn't know I was bi at the time, I was fascinated with her. 
Little virgin me was fascinated with the fact that she had already slept with people of different genders. And what I believed to be awe back then was what I now realize to have been a crush. 
Had I known I was bi back then, I would have been tempted to dig further and see if we could be more than friends. Maybe...

2 - Women have better-looking bodies:
Back in my teens, I once told my mom that women looked better naked than men. Back then, I only thought in binary terms. I mean, what do you expect from a French girl who grew up in the middle of nowhere? Everything I know today, I learned on my own by educating myself. 
So back then, I was truly surprised when my mom reacted very strongly and negatively to what I had just said. 
I now think that all genders look beautiful, but back then, I firmly believed women were more beautiful.
My mom's reaction should have been an indication that my views of the world didn't match a straight woman's views. But I simply assumed she was weird and narrow-minded, ahah. 



3 - My fascination with some female singers:
Back when I was a teenager, there were some female singers and actresses I was fascinated with. Back then, I thought it was only admiration because I mostly wanted to be like those women. But the more I came to accept my orientation, the more I realized that I didn't feel the same kind of jealousy toward beautiful women that some straight women seem to experience. I guess because I don't see beautiful women as rivals, but more as potential lovers (even if I never act on those desires). And I now realize that what I took for fascination back then was probably a crush on those singers.

4 - My first time in the US:
Moving to the US is what opened my eyes to my orientation. It was the first time that I lived in a place that wasn't so heteronormalized that it crushed my true self. 
My first reaction when I met so many bisexuals was, "Is this a trend in this country or something?"
That shows you how repressed I was and how closeted queers (especially bisexuals) are in France. 


5 - My first real crush:
Moving to the US was the time I met my first female crush. I couldn't deny the truth anymore, though it took me a while to understand what was going on and accept it.
She was a friend of mine. She was bi. And she was Chinese American. 
I have to explain that I have a preference for women of color or white women with very dark hair. 
I truly believe my sexuality had never fully developed until then because I come from a very white area of France. 
There were two black students in my middle school, no Asians, and no one from the Middle East. 
It's a bit difficult to realize you're bi when your favorite type doesn't live in your area. 
I guess meeting my friend was the detonator I needed because she was exactly my type. 


6 - The goth community:
About half the people I know IRL are bisexual. I always say that I know they are bi because they are my friends, but everyone else would tell you they are straight or gay because they only factor the relationship the person is in at that moment. 
Now, a bunch of the people I know come from the goth community—an open-minded community filled with queers—a community that helped me open my mind even more.


7 - Betrayal from my best friend:
My ex-best friend is a bi woman. She and my husband both helped me tremendously on my bisexual journey. They helped me accept myself and be free.

She and I used to be closer than sisters, and I never saw her as anything else. I don't get physically attracted to people easily, and I was never attracted to her that way. 

It never crossed my mind that she may have been sexually attracted to me. Not until about a year ago when she sent nasty messages to my husband in which she called me all kinds of names. 
In those messages, she said that I was a prude and that she knew that for a fact because she had spent so much time trying to get in my pants. 

That came as a shock to me. First, because I never viewed her that way and never considered she might like me as more than a friend. But also because back when I met her, I was slowly recovering from a depression that nearly took my life. 

I got very upset at the messages and told my husband that if I was still a virgin at age twenty-two, it was because when I was living in France, my sole focus was on trying to survive and that every single day was a fight to remain alive. I had no space in my life for anyone else. I didn't want anyone to carry the burden of my depression. So I didn't date anyone for over three years that I was in college. 

Only recently did my husband acknowledge that my ex-friend's bitterness toward me was strange. He said that from his point of view, she had been hoping to have a threesome with the two of us for years and grew bitter overtime when she saw it was never going to happen. 

Though her attitude felt like a stab, her toxicity had nothing to do with her orientation, but everything to do with her personality. I never belonged to her, and it was arrogant of her to think the only reason why I wouldn't sleep with her was because I'm a "prude." 
Just because I'm bi doesn't mean I'll have sex with you and everyone else around me... 


8 - Where am I now?
All those factors were part of my journey as a bisexual. 
I am now in a place where I have fully accepted myself and no longer hate myself.
I am not in a place where I would come out of the closet yet. And I will never be in that place with certain people around me. It's a basic survival instinct of not giving those people weapons they could use against me.
But that doesn't mean I'm not proud of who I am. Always remember that trying to survive isn't a lack of pride. 

Thank you for reading!!!


Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Why is the idea of Straight Pride so offensive?

I have seen quite a bunch of straight people around Twitter asking why the idea of a Straight Pride Parade is problematic and offensive. Many of those didn't seem to know what the problem was. Their questions seemed genuine, and the responses from the LGBTQ community weren't always kind, which is understandable. This is the only month we have, and bigots are doing their best to ruin it for us, so we are all a bit on edge. 

It has not even been one week into June, and straight bigots have already been rampant on social media threatening to shoot us, wishing us dead and making very real threats that we are taking very seriously because the anniversary of the Pulse shootings is approaching. 
Remember that Pulse happened on Pride Month. It didn't happen on a random month. It happened on Pride Month. A month when we are supposed to celebrate. A month when we now also mourn deeply. It is not a date we will ever forget, and receiving constant threats on Pride Month is putting us all on high alert. So if we seem aggressive or unwilling to communicate, it is because many of us are angry and scared and tired of the constant hatred. 

This year is especially important to us since it's the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Seeing people try to ruin that for us is simply infuriating. 


So I decided to write this post to explain matters in a calm way that could maybe help understand why a Straight Pride Parade is an offensive (and really bad) idea. 
Please note that these are my views only. I cannot speak for other queers, and I won't speak for other queers. I am simply trying to explain why, from my point of view, Straight Pride is an issue.

First of all, the idea came from the same people who want White Lives Matter marches.
The idea of a Straight Pride didn't come from a kind place. It didn't come from regular straight people who just wanted a chance to be themselves. It came from the alt-right. It stemmed from a very dark place of hatred for LGBTQ people. And that is the biggest root of the problem. In supporting the idea of a Straight Pride, you are supporting the anti-queer values of the alt-right, whether you are doing it knowingly or not. Think about the fact that this could be another Charlottesville...

What many non-queer people don't seem to realize is that the alt-right has been attacking us from the outside and the inside.
They create fake LGBTQ accounts on social media to promote pedophilia and soil our community's image.
They spread hateful propaganda against transgender people and come to our parades to attack transgender people, pretending to be LGBTQ so as to divide us and tear us apart.
The Straight Pride Parade is just another way for the alt-right to attack our community and show us hatred.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is prejudice within the community. Every queer person is aware of that.
We have to be vigilant and learn to tell when a person attacking us is truly LGBTQ or when the person is someone from the alt-right pretending to be LGBTQ to create issues from within. So when someone comes to us asking about Straight Pride, it is hard not to assume the worst.


Pride for queers isn’t about antagonizing others. It isn't about hurting anyone or rejecting anyone.
It started as riots because of the injustices and the violence constantly perpetrated against queer people. Today, it has become the one occasion for queers to be together in a safe environment once a year—a safe environment straight people do not need in the same way. (Well, Pride is almost safe because there are still bigots who come to Pride to beat us up for fun. It happens every year!)



I have also seen genuine questions as to how queers have been oppressed through history and are still oppressed today, so here are but a few examples:

- During WWII, gay men were put in concentration camps and forced-castrated by the Nazis.
Imagine having people forcing an innocent man to lose his balls, literally. How horrific that would be for any cis man out there!

- When AIDS broke out, young gay men were left to die because nobody cared. They only started to care when the disease started affecting straight people. Bigots were actually wishing for that horrible disease to take down innocent men who hadn't hurt anyone. How cruel can people be?

- LGBTQ kids get kicked out of their houses for being queer constantly.

- Many churches do not open their doors to LGBTQ people (including kids in need of shelter). Some churches refuse to help homeless people if they are LGBT.

- Transgender people are no longer allowed to serve in the army because they are transgender.
- LGBTQ people cannot hold hands or kiss in public without getting harassed or insulted by bigots.

- In Chechnya and many countries around the world, LGBT people are put in camps, tortured, and killed just because they are queer.

And that is just a tiny portion of how LGBTQ people are discriminated against every single day.
ALL those actions were and are perpetrated by straight bigots. ALL of them.

Now, I know some straight people also get killed and harassed and can get discriminated against, BUT it is NOT because they are straight. And that's the difference. And because LGBTQ people are put through intense suffering because of straight bigots, it feels like hatred when straight people want a parade. It basically tells LGBTQ people that straight people are proud of the way they have been treating the LGBTQ community.


As a cis woman who is married to a cis man, I know how privileged I am to be allowed to show him affection in the open without ever fearing to get harassed, insulted, or killed for it.

Just think about it this way: LGBTQ people get killed for kissing the person they love. They get beaten up for holding hands.

As a cis straight person, do you ever fear for your life because you kissed your partner or spouse in public? No.
The next time you do kiss your loved one in public or hold their hand or simply hug them, imagine doing so with absolute fear in your heart that someone could hurt you or your loved one for it. Imagine kissing your loved one and having a random stranger attack your loved one and beat them up to the point of landing them into a hospital or a casket. That's a reality for queer people every single day, and it is not an exaggeration.



Straight Pride is not an issue in and of itself. There is nothing wrong with people wanting something special for themselves. The issue comes from the fact that it was an idea created by and promoted by people who absolutely hate LGBTQ people. The problem is that Pride for queers came from a place of genuine pain that has never, not once in history, been inflicted upon straight people because they were straight.

Instead of doing a Straight Pride and focusing on themselves, maybe straight people could ask how they can help better the difficult lives of LGBTQ people.
That’s what a kind, considerate, and caring person would do. They wouldn’t make Pride Month about themselves when their orientation has never been a cause for suffering in any way.
This is a month when straight people can learn, not only about queer history, but also about our trials, about the beauty of our community, and about the various ways our community has been hurt over the past centuries.

I hope this answered your questions. LGBTQ people need allies. Demanding a Straight Pride is not the right way to be an ally. It is, however, the perfect way to play into the hands of the alt-right.

Thank you for reading.